I had an uneventful weekend. Looked for work on Friday, worked on my art on Saturday and Sunday – and now here we are at Monday again. The evenings have been cool which makes me start to fret a little about winter and heating. I simply want a job. I was channel surfing and came across some great advice which I will start implementing today – “repeat 4 positive things, not repeating one, for 21 days” – I think this will help me to not get depressed. I found myself struggling on Sunday and had all I could do to muster the strength to get out of bed. I pray daily, begging God for a solution. Although he has been faithful and I do not doubt him, I have to keep reminding myself that it is His timing and not mine. Sometimes I wonder if maybe he is too busy with all the other requests. And then I sometimes hear my mother’s voice – “there are starving children in Africa” – which reminds me of how insignificant my problems are – but nonetheless important to me.
Our State fair is opening this weekend and I have never missed it – I have attended the State fair since I was 1 – but this year might be different. I had to put some gas in my van and now I am down to $39 in my account and $0 in my savings. I did spend some of the weekend looking for things I might be able to sell, but I do not have anything to begin with. I do not have a flat screen or a large TV – my TV is 10+ years old – my VCR is broken, I do not play video games – I have lived relatively humbly most of my life – and most of what I have although in good condition would only be worthy of Goodwill donations.
I put together some chili this weekend, and it was pretty good, could have stood some cumin and a little chili powder – but it was still tasty and I added some wild rice to it, which always makes everything better.
I have decided I am going to put together a “direction” list and try to pinpoint job ideas and to think of other employment ideas. I have considered going out to North Dakota to work and that is not off the table as of yet. North Dakota is horrible in the winter, but on the other hand does not look so bad considering the alternative. I know someone out there and they make pretty good money. I worry a little about my mom who has RA and my grandmother who is 90 with borderline dementia and macular degeneration, and it helps for me to be close by, but perhaps that is something I tell myself as an excuse. I need to do a pros and cons list for the North Dakota idea. I need a solution.